Friday, November 5, 2010

A Little Bit Of Honesty In A Cloud of Drunken Fantasy

I really regretted my last inebriated rant here during the summer, but you all seemed to like it so here’s another one. I should really put this off till the morning, but then I’d never post it. Bloody pub quiz, this wouldn’t be the first time it made me shame myself in front of real people!!! Anyway, if any of you ever wanted to know ‘me’ here’s a bit of a clue:

I consume other people’s dreams too freely, yet I lack the courage to create my own. For me the world is not a magical place but in my head I make it so. I traverse the galaxy in a haze of self-denial.

But I like it this way, it’s the only way I can like anything.  Except the things and people I love. I do actually live a charmed life yet I leave my blessings on my front door to venture off in worlds I don’t belong.  What do I be thinking?

Who knows? It’s probably something to do with those few pints I had earlier but I already forget what I was thinking two seconds ago. It was good too. A fleeting moment of enlightenment lost in a mind fogged with beer and cynicism.

It’ll come back to me eventually. Won’t it? It was my own thought after all, surely it wouldn’t abandon me so quickly. Damn you thoughts! You are all I am yet I can never rely on your comfort. You turn on me too often and, worse, you never give me a hug.

There is a man who betters you, though far too often I give you more attention than him. That is my stupidity, something I am condemned to forever mourn. To sacrifice true happiness for your promises is the biggest mistake I continually make.

So in conclusion this post is a promise. A  promise to myself, and to himself who will never read it, to stop living this escapist fantasy and own up to this beautiful life I’m unbelievably fortunate to lead. I’ll still post about fairies and beauty but from now on I’m going to cherish these little blessings gifted to me from the most mundane corners of the universe.  Twinkling stars that are so close they blind you, lights of the Otherworld that keep you fired on the darkest of eves.

Thanks for reading folks, as always. You yourselves are all little sparkles on the same sky of wonder. Oíche mhaith agus codladh sámh. Dream well my friends!


Gypsea Tree {Steam Spectre} said...

Quite frankly: You are awesome!
There is this "Wordless Wednesday" post idea that I have seen a lot of bloggers doing, but I'm all in favor of something more like "Tipsy Tuesdays" or "Wine Sodden Wednesdays"... ;-)

JJ Beazley said...

Well now. Phew! I'm sure we all live in fantasies sometimes, and I'm sure we all realise it sometimes, and I'm sure many of us struggle to know what's real and what isn't. Is the whole world of blogging a form of fantasy, for example? I sometimes wonder whether the comments I get come from real people. Occasionally they seem less real than the fairies I'm half convinced live in my garden. At least they sometimes seem to play tricks on me.

I suppose all I'm saying is that there's nothing 'cynical' about finding your own version of reality and deciding to live it, even if it means putting a more rarefied version to the back of the drawer for now.

I'm beginning to sound didactic, so I'm shutting up. If it means anything though, which I'm sure it doesn't, I think you're even more lovable when you've had a few.

Jeanne said...

Who is to say what is real and what isn't? What may be very real for me, may only be a dream for someone else...

If we were to live in a world without dreams then we would go mad....

D.Suplicki said...

It's good to dream and it's good to put your feet on the cold hard ground of reality as well. Everything balanced.

You are far from a cynic my friend, for the cynics in this world would say that our friendship and all the others we have gained through this technological wonder called the internet is mere fantasy. If we can't share laughter, pints, dreams and fears in person a cynic would say the relationship doesn't exist.

I hope the twinkling stars sent you many a sweet dream and that your head feels just fine this morning.

P.S. You write beautifully and eloquently when tipsy, a rare talent to have. ;)

Anthropomorphica said...

Don't we all, one way or another, live within our fantasies to a greater or lesser extent. Don't give it up though Roisin, this is how you create your beautiful life through imagination and wonder.
It's easy not to thoroughly appreciate our blessings but at least you have moments of lucidity where you can see this. Mmmm, must be the Absinthe Faery ;)

Róisín said...

Ah, cringe! I just tried to read back over that and couldn't make it to the end. I knew I'd be like that, so I've been avoiding this blog all weekend! Thanks for all your lovely comments though, they were all better than the post itself. Especially your little words of wisdom about online friendships Danni. I'd never really thought about it in exactly those terms before but it's so true!
Well, hope you're all having a lovely Monday!
Roisin x

Anonymous said...

Lovely words - i hope the poker player reciprocates!!!

(its Declan by the way - couldnt be arsed signing in)

good to see the pub quiz as always was tipsyly fun - weird isn't it how moments of clarity only occur after a few ales!!! Must be an irish thing - and never be cringing either - way worse things you could be doing!!!!

JJ Beazley said...

Not just an Irish thing, Declan. Same happens to me.

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